Apocalypse of Jude

Audrey passes Mae without another glance in her direction, can connect nothing with nothing, and climbs the stairs that take her to her still empty office. She settles herself behind her desk and tries to rearrange the contents of the desk the way she wants things, but each touch reminds her of the doctored deed of sale she ran through her desk yesterday. Rather she looks away, rubbing her hands together in feeble attempt to cleanse the dirt she feels on them. Finally, she lays her fingers upon the keyboard, but a broken fingernail reminds her again of the dirt she feels. Her face is calm but her fingers all the way up her arms are cringed with tenseness.

/get a grip/ /you’re a composed secretary for a prominent lawyer/ /you are his image before his clients meet him/ /breath deeply/

Slowly relaxation comes back to her fingers and numbness to her mind as the work begins again, but then in retaliatory anger her revenge and spite against Mae burns through the false meekness she shows the world.

/screw that audrey hepburn witch/ /looking like the way i want to look/ /looking the way you believed was the only way worth looking mother/ /pygmalion/ /you always taught me to be humble like my people/ /and to expect nothing/ /be happy to let the world kick sand in my face/ /but you really wanted me to be like her/ /you all wanted me to be like her/ /so that all of you could flaunt what youve always believed was your superiority/ /well look at me now mother/ /i took your road/ /hiding behind the false meekness you gave me/ /i am with the man that rejected her/ /i thought i had achieved what you all wanted/ /recognition from this world/ /but i havent/ /he merely uses me/ /and here i am so desperate for wanting to be had by him that ive perjured myself/ /only for him to go off and screw janice in my face/ /and there she works below me/ /laughing at me/ /probably going la la la la/ /like she has always laughed at me/ /in whatever form she has taken/ /this has got to stop/

Wasteland Mix: Fragment 79